Seventh Son is the first film in a long time that I have wanted to walk out of.
It starts with Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges), a professional “Spook” who earns his living doing battle with things that go bump in the night. He takes young Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) as his apprentice after his previous apprentice is killed by Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore), a powerful witch. Of course he only has a few days to train his new apprentice before the Blood Moon will give Mother Malkin the power she needs to ruuuuuuuuule the wooooooorld (cue training montage).
The first thing that alerted me to the terribleness of Seventh Son was the ridiculous way Jeff Bridges delivered lines. I can’t even describe it…but I’ll try. Pout and then try to smile while pouting and screw the rest of your face up. Now try talking. The mannerisms of Master Gregory were so comical and over the top there was no way you could get absorbed into the world of the film.
Julianne Moore’s talents were wasted in this role. A villain that could have been used in great ways turns out to be disappointingly dull. Her backstory even seemed interesting at times, but it was only briefly touched on to make room for lots of evil plotting.
But I think the thing that irritated me the most was Radu (Djimon Hounsou) and his ‘army of highly trained assassins’. The best they could do was drop out of trees. He has an army of highly trained assassins and all they do is fall over in clunky armour and DROP OUT OF TREES.
I’m pretty sure every fantasy movie cliché you can think of is used in the film. There was only one line in the entire movie that felt fresh and unexpected (I won’t ruin that one moment of fleeting hope that the movie is going somewhere good for you).
While some of the action and animation was engaging, giving you a taste of an intriguing world, the film as a whole suffered from a bland plotline and underdeveloped characters.