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Crawl

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It’s not the crawling part you have to worry about, it’s the biting and tearing you really must look out for. If you ever find yourself transported into the world of Crawl that is.

I guess Crawl is a double reference to the fact that the humans do a bunch of crawling around too… But they do swimming and running and hopping at one point. When one of them gets bitten on the leg. So I guess the gators have to do all the crawling… No sorry they do a whole bunch of swimming too, but they definitely don’t do any hopping…

A huge storm hits Florida and everyone evacuates except for our two main characters. They get cornered under a house and are forced to move around in a certain way… you know..they knee and tummy slide. Oh wait there are a few others who turn up. Some young looters taking advantage of the evacuation.

But I can tell you… I never knew crocs had such a disliking for humans disrespecting other humans’ personal property, because they give a pretty stern reprimand to those young looters. It wasn’t a long wordy telling off, but the shortness of their disapproval was matched only by the violence a croc mouth can administer. And that’s really the movie: mouth violence.

You look at the movie poster and you can tell what’s gonna happen. That’s okay, it’s honest. Although I did trick myself a little bit. I saw it was directed by Alexandre Aja, who directed The Hills Have Eyes. Have you seen.. that movie?

..I don’t normally do this but I’ve got to warn you, don’t just go watch that movie. Not many movies have made me turn and look away as many times as that movie did. It’s at my limit for violence maybe even a bit beyond to be honest. So when I saw at the bottom of the poster that li’l piece of info, I reevaluated my expectations.

I shouldn’t of. Crawl‘s a straight croc-eats-people movie. Problem was I was expecting something a little more.

So if I go through a few gripes maybe I can fix that for you. So you can appreciate Crawl for what it is.

One, computer weather. I don’t buy it. Digital rain and wind looks so lame at times. It’s obvious, the reasons why they chose to do it. I’m guessing money’s one but I’d rather they did smaller set pieces with bigger fans. It comes off a little lazy. It’s not a big budget movie I guess, so just ignore that. It’s mostly at the start anyway.

Two, computer crocodiles at times were too…computer. It’s weird sometimes they were great then they would move in a certain way or look game boy and the movie spell would break again.

Three, and this one could actually make the movie very funny for you. If you’re ready for it. The damage system is really broken in Crawl. For instance, the looters were made of red butter. They flew to bits. (That’s what you get kids. It’s private property. God knows, and his crocs know as well).

But the main actors took HUGE hits and just kept on trucking. You could make a drinking game of it. Every time they shrug off a hideous injury, a cranberry mixer straight out of the box. That’s a croc thing, they go big or go home and boy.. They were doing some permanent renovations to the limbs of our heroes.

If you like animal attack videos and movies, you’ll like this. A better one is The Ghost and the Darkness. I rate that one. It’s more subtle that’s for sure. Crawl also reminded me of the end of Temple of Doom when they fell to the crocs under that rope bridge. But that just showed cut away shots of crocs ripping clothing apart. No, you come out of Crawl with a medical diploma.

So, if you’re armed with this knowledge I think the movie is good enough to hire out at some point. Especially if you’ve just been robbed.

– Nick Holder

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